You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
