If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
