Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
