...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
