My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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