Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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