Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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