Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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