these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
