I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
