i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
