stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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