I hate all girls vehemently.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
