I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
