i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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