What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
