It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
