You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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