Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
