i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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