It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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