God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
