I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
