Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
