420 ftw
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
