Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
As shirtless as possible
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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