WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
