is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
