I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize