dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize