I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
