Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
