We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
