The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
