Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
