fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
