Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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