We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
