Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
