You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
