Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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