Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
