I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
that may or may not have been my penis.
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