Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
