Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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