you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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