before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
