Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
