"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i think i just lost a toe
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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