a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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