Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's rum buckets o'clock
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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