I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
