Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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