I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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