what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
