Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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