Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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