Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Duck Duck Cougar?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
