the day after is always just damage control
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
