saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
