What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
