i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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