i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
third nipple confirmed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
