remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
