Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
