no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
sarcasm needs its own font
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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