I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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