the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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