i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You were trust falling into bushes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize