if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
